I wanted to publish an app and how it went

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I wanted to publish an app to the Play Store and the Apple App Store.

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Simple, right?

Yeah. No.

• First, I need an Austrian IBAN. Because apparently having FOUR fintech apps isn’t enough — the concept of “living in one country and having a bank account in another” is just too advanced for modern civilization.
• Then I spend an entire day verifying my home address. It’s 2026, but sure — let me go dig up some sacred parchment scrolls, also known as utility bills, to prove I exist.
• Play Store wants 12 testers for 14 days.
  I don’t even have that many friends, so now I’m out here recruiting like I’m running a pyramid scheme.
• I don’t tell them to actually use the app, because it’s niche as hell.
  Turns out — that matters. Of course it does.
• Discover Reddit groups where people “test apps”.
  Translation: install → uninstall → vanish into the void.
• Somehow I get 12 testers.
  14 days pass.
  I dare to feel hope.
• “App not tested enough.”
• Oh, I see. The testers were supposed to perform interpretive dance with the UI or what?
• Back to square one. Another 14 days.
• Try to post on Reddit for help.
  “Your post has been removed by filters.”
• Incredible. Even asking for help requires approval.
• Try to contact Reddit:
  - no email, no FB chat
  - no real support
  - chatbot with IQ of a toaster
  - contact form that doesn’t contain the topic you need
• Peak efficiency.
• Post on r/help → removed
  because apparently asking for help there is illegal unless it’s about Reddit itself.
  Which… this was. But sure.
• Eventually one post slips through somewhere.

At this point I think:
Screw it. I’ll just pay $99 and go Apple.

• Try to enroll as a developer.
  I live in Austria. I’m Polish.
• Result:
  “We are unable to process your request.
  An unknown error occurred.”
  Beautiful. Poetry.

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• Send email to support. Case ID: 102857366568.
  “We’ll get back to you ASAP.”
  (Which in corporate time probably means sometime before the heat death of the universe.)
• I guess it might be my Polish phone number.
  Not because the system told me — but because I’m now expected to debug their platform via psychic powers.

• Try to get Austrian eSIM from A1.
  “Unknown error.”
  Chatbot gives up mid-conversation and disconnects like it achieved enlightenment.
• Try Drei instead.
  Miraculously works. I now possess a fresh Austrian number.

• Back to Apple:
  “This number is already connected to another account.
  Of course it is. Why wouldn’t it be?
• Test SMS.
  Doesn’t work.
• Email Drei support.
  Silence. Absolute void.

• Still waiting for Apple to “get back ASAP.”
• I give up.
  I go downstairs to Billa to buy a beer, because at least that system still works.

Honestly, I don’t know anymore. Has the world gone insane? We’ve reached a point where:

• no one can be contacted
• no one can explain anything
• everything fails silently
• and the official solution is:
  “figure it out yourself, peasant”

It’s actually genius:

If users can’t complain, then service quality is technically perfect.

So thank you:

• Apple
• A1 Telekom Austria AG
• Drei Österreich
• Google
• Reddit, Inc.

…and all the other beautifully engineered black holes of human interaction for keeping me extremely busy with absolutely nothing of value.

I didn’t have anything better to do anyway.

Way to go 👍